


Stupid Shitpost Text Fic

by vethbernatto



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: i write most of these at 1-3 in the morning, im so sorry, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-04 11:07:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12769737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vethbernatto/pseuds/vethbernatto
Summary: This is just stupid silly text fic stories of my babes





	1. Dick Pics

_[everyonesfavoritetinybiguy_ _has changed group chat name from “JAKE AND MIKE ARE TIME TRAVELERS” to “Dick Pics”]_

 

 **dramatically.ace:** nope, don't want to know goodbye

 **j-queere.heere:** yeah….. no

 **callmejakey:** wait it's clean I promise

 **callmejakey:** so it's like 3 am and I get this fucking text from chloe god damn mothefucking valentine

**callmejakey:** _[[15-CHLOEIHATEYOU.jpg]](https://lohstspace.tumblr.com/post/167674436017/15-ihateyouchloejpg-lohstvalentine-hey-jak) _

**lohstinthegay:** gjfhhdxhjgjdjfjkkfj

 **onceajennaration:** CHLOE

 **callmejakey:** AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO BC I DONT WANT TO WAKE UP ALEX BUT I CANT STOP FUCKING LAUGHING

 **callmejakey:** AND SO IM SITTING THERE TRYING TO NOT TO LAUGH TOO LOUD WHEN CHLOE JUST FUCKING CALLS ME

 **callmejakey** : AND IN THE MOST MONOTONE VOICE POSSIBLE JUST WHISPERS “dickard goranski" AND HTEN FUCKING HANGS UP

 **dramaticlly.ace:** @chlo what the fuck

 **mell-o:** @chlo what the fuck

 **dramatically.ace:** same hat

 **lohstvalentine** : In my defense, I was high on cough medicine and sleep deprived


	2. Chloe Valentine, Certified Lesbian

_ [lohstvalentine has changed the group chat name from “im high and hella bi” to “im a big lesbian”] _

 

**lohstvalentine:** girls…. are pretty and im gay

**callmejakey:**  yes we know this chloe

**lohstvalentine** : shut up Dillinger

**onceajennaration:**  How did this come up anyways?

**j-queere.heere:** Chloe started crying in the middle of the mall bc a cute girl walked by

**loshtvalentine:** JEREMY HOW COULD YOU

**lohstinthegay:** hello 911 my girlfriend just gOT FUKKIN MURDERED

**mell-o:** _ “fukkin” _

**lohstinthegay:** you shut the fuk up mister i spelt my name wrong on my english final

**dramatically.ace:** get got bitch

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** HDHDHDBD  _ CHRIS _


	3. Steve Harrington is my new dad

_ [everyonesfavoritetinybiguy has changed the group chat name from “what the fuck Richard” to “petition for steve harrington to be my new dad”] _

 

**lohstvalentine:** bich me to the fuck?

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** who else wants to sign?

**j-queere.heere:** my dads cool, can he be my new mom?

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** yes.

**j-queere.heere:** then sign me the  _ fuck _ up

**callmejakey:** can he be my mom and my dad?

**lohstvalentine:** yes

**j-queere.heere:** yes

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** yes

**callmejakey:** hella


	4. Chapter 4

_ [dramatically.ace has changed the group chat name from “I JUST NOTICED THAT YOU SPELLED IT QUEERE” to “guess what today is”] _

 

**j-queere.heere:** FUCK

**dramatically.ace:** September 1st, 1989

**callmejakey:** not again

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** chris

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:**  chris I am begging you please do _not_

**lohstvalentine:** it's too late

**onceajennaration:** SHES TYPING SO FAST AND CACKLING

**onceajennaration:** SHES LITERALLY CACKLING

**mell-o:** I'm actually afraid

**lohstinthegay:** me too mikey

**dramatically.ace:** Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year! And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened? We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased. Singing and clapping, laughing and napping, baking cookies, eating paste. Then we got bigger, that was the trigger, like the Huns invading Rome. Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school:this is the Thunderdome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon. College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June! But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful… Just not today.

**lohstvalentine:** christine do you have it memorized?

**dramatically.ace:** Chloe Marie Valentine, who do you think I am?


	5. big lov

_ [mell-o has changed the group chat name from “romeo is the worst” to “I love my girlfriends”] _

 

**callmejakey:** mike youre gay

 

_ [mell-o has changed the group chat name from “I love my girlfriends” to “i love my PLATONIC girlfriends”] _

 

**mell-o:** are you happy now?

**callmejakey:** yea

**mell-o:** okay then.

**mell-o:** I'm in big lov with my girlfriends Brooklyn Meredith Lohst and Christine Elizabeth-Marie Canigula and there is nothing that can top my love for them

**dramatically.ace:** ye

**lohstinthegay:** luv u 2 bb

**lohstvalentine:** wow brooke went back to middle school for that one

**lohstinthegay:** ye

**onceajennaration:** nothing is bigger then my love for Brooke.

**mell-o:** Jenna I will physically fight you outside of my home

**onceajennaration:** meet me outside in ten

**onceajennaration:** be there or be square

**callmejakey:** SHIT MIKE SHE BROUGHT OUT THE BIG GUNS

**j-queere.heere:** well anyways, you're both wrong bc the love I have for Christine is greater than anybody's love for anything

**onceajennaration:** ummmmmm,,,,,,

**mell-o:** I think the fuck not????

**lohstvalentine:** do tell us Jeremiah

**lohstvalentine:** how is your love the biggest

**j-queere.heere:** simple

**j-queere.heere:** loved her when I thought I was a simple girl lesbian back in middle school

**j-queere.heere:** instead of a bi trans boy

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** damn that's some pretty damning evidence

**onceajennaration:** well fucc

**mell-o:** damn you win jere

**j-queere.heere:** hell yeah


	6. get with the program

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i aspire to be as great of an actor as noah someday

_ [dramatically.ace has changed the group chat name from “jeremy heere, professional bi” to “it's three am and im crying over Noah Schnapp”] _

 

**dramatically.ace:** okay so??? he's amazing???? and can  _ act _ ??? like I wish??? I could??? Act that??? Well??? 

**j-queere.heere:** i want to be noah schnapp when i grow up

**dramatically.ace:** we can be noah schnapp together jere

**lohstvalentine:** what are u 2 doing up @ 3 am anywa ye?

**dramatically.ace:** cryin over Noah Schnapp

**j-queere.heere:** yah get with the progra.m chlo

 


	7. mother fuckin cats and shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let christine swear you cowards  
> also i know nothing about religions so if i got anything wrong please tell me

_ [dramatically.ace has changed the group chat name from “jere and rich’s dad is pretty rad” to “mother fuickin cats being adorable and shit”] _

 

**dramatically.ace:** mother fucking cats being so fuxking adorable and shit, why the fuck did the world have to do me like this, like why could t i be allergic to fuckin pollen or something, it had me be mother fuckin cats bc they have cute and fuxking faces that i just want to love and cuddle but i can't bc i have this stupid shitty fucking allergy and im gonna fight a bitch bc jm pissed bc i live cats so shittin much and cant have on

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** you have so really strong feeljngs abkut cats

**dramatically.ace:** RICHARD HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A CAT BC THEY ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL AMAZING THINGS IN THE WORLD AND I WILL FIGHT YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR HOME 

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** okay.

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** sorry.

**dramatically.ace:** wait no fuck, km sorry rich!!! im just really bitter that i can't hug a cat!!!

**everyonesfavoritetinybiguy:** its cool! You're still saint christine, even if i am jewish

**dramatically.ace:** dndhjdh richie you are so great

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
